Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Stories 'Bout The South


Florida
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110,
then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked
up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift
ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason
for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help.  If I wuz to give yew
$20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,
"Everthang but my earrings."
 
Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ...
"When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the
rest of the world."


Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into
the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody
just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

The young man answered,
"I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the
side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front
of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back.  He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you
to put flares in the front and flares in the back.
I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. 
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"


Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage
out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked,
"Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? 
Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here,
'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "
Y'all kin say whut y'all
want 'about the South,
but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
 

Friday, November 8, 2013

New electronic hacking device can open car doors


http://www.today.com/news/police-admit-theyre-stumped-mystery-car-thefts-6C10169993


There's a new wave of auto thefts that police can't figure out. So could you be at risk? TODAY National Investigative Correspondent Jeff Rossen looked into it.

This is a real mystery. You think when you lock your car and set the alarm, your car is pretty safe. But criminals have designed a new high-tech gadget giving them full access to your car. It's so easy, it's like the criminals have your actual door remote. Police are so baffled they want to see if you can help crack the case.

A Long Beach, Calif., surveillance video shows a thief approaching a locked SUV in a driveway. Police say he's carrying a small device in the palm of his hand. You can barely see it, but he aims it at the car and pops the locks electronically. He's in, with access to everything. No commotion at all.

Then his accomplice shows up and hits another car, using that same handheld device.

Long Beach Deputy Police Chief David Hendricks is mystified. "This is bad in the sense we're stumped," he told us. "We are stumped and we don't know what this technology is."

He said it's almost like the thieves are cloning your car remote, which is virtually impossible to do. Here's why: On most cars, when you hit the unlock button, it sends a code to the car. That code is encrypted and constantly changing — and should be hackproof.

 

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Semper Fi


A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable.
 
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Dead silence.
The rest of the year went very smoothly.